If you’re feeling guilty and anxious about turning down an invitation to a social event, you can rest easy. According to a recent study published by the American Psychological Association, people mostly overestimate how negatively the inviter might react to their invitation being declined.
In the pilot study of 2000 participants, 77% admitted they had accepted an invitation to a social activity they were not interested in being a part of due to concerns about how their rejection might be perceived. “We find that people tend to exaggerate the negative ramifications that arise from declining invitations to participate in fun social activities,” wrote lead author Julian Givi, an assistant professor at West Virginia University and colleagues, in their study.
“Invitees exaggerate the extent to which inviters concentrate on the act of the invitee turning down the invitation,” they added. “Shedding light on invitees’ misguided concerns is important, as these worries can lead them to accept invitations when they would rather spend their time doing something else.”
The researchers conducted two experiments that led them to this conclusion. In the first one, they made the study participants picture a scenario where they were either the person extending invitations to friends for a Saturday night dinner at a local restaurant or were being invited for that outing by one of their friends.
The participants who received the invite were told to decline because they wanted to stay in and relax at home that night. And the participants who invited their friend were told that their friend said no for the same reason.
The invitees said they were concerned about their friend feeling rejected and even deciding against inviting them for future social events. But as it turned out, their friend did not focus on the rejection as much as they believed.
The team of social psychologists noted that one possible explanation for this overestimation could involve an inflated sense of importance where an invitee believes their presence will have a significant impact on whether or not the inviter will experience happiness during the social activity. But as it turns out, inviters do not see it this way.
The second experiment was a survey of 80 couples, most of whom were in a long term relationship of more than five years. Half the participants wrote a handwritten invitation to their partner to either see a movie, go to a restaurant or hike in a park. Their significant other then wrote back to them saying they just wanted to stay at home and relax.
The researchers again observed that the invitees overestimated how upset their partner would be, irrespective of how long they had been together.
Givi emphasized in a press release that there are times when saying no to a social event can help prevent burnout. “Burnout is a real thing, especially around the holidays when we are often invited to too many events,” he said. “Don’t be afraid to turn down invitations here and there. But, keep in mind that spending time with others is how relationships develop, so don’t decline every invitation.”
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